Thursday, February 3, 2011

Day One

If gaming is the heroin of cyber space then facebook is the cocaine. Fun, trendy, readily available, you need a fix every half an hour and while you are on it you feel that everything that comes out of your mouth is of the utmost importance to the world.

My first day without facebook has been, well, tough. I awoke with the shakes as I fought the withdrawal symptoms. Logging into my work computer in the morning my fingers automatically typed in facebook. Only through the grace of God did I avert catastrophe and not log in.

I feel strangely disconnected from the world. Where is everyone?? What are you all doing and thinking?? I want to know who is sitting on their lounge eating Doritos, who is getting a drink, who is scratching their ass. Has anyone got engaged or broken up?

There was one point throughout the day I had dealings with a client who had a sexy phone voice so, as per my usual modus operandi, I again turned to facebook to look her up. Again, I remembered at the last minute and avoided logging in. This is going to be tougher than I thought.

On top of the normal withdrawals and cravings I was also advised by the evil person who instigated this facebook abandonment in the first place that people had posted on my wall offers of pictures of boobs if I broke and came back online. Whether this is true or not is not the point, the point is my one weakness is known. Boobs are my kryptonite!!

On a plus side I did manage to get through an inordinate amount of work and read the entire site over twice.

I’m off to bed now to avoid further pangs of withdrawal as my body finds it has no facebook left inside it and really starts to shut down.

Does anyone know of where I can perhaps purchase a facebook patch I could wear on my shoulder or even where I could hire a troupe of dancers dressed in 70's squash outfits to follow me around singing "No Bailey, no. No Bailey, no. Nooooooooo Bailey"?

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