Monday, January 10, 2011

Bailey's theory of evolution - The origin of stupidity

Continuing on my previous post where I offered my extraordinarily insightful theory into perspective I thought I would delve into something a little more scientific - Evolution.

For the most part I think evolution seems to fit. I am a living example. When we were monkeys we required hair across our entire body to help protect against the elements. As we evolved and created clothes to assist us in this protective measure, our need for hair everywhere dissipated and so the hair slowly started coming off. One of the last bastions of this needless hair is left atop our heads however, for some of us further evolved individuals, this spot too has started shedding as we move onto the next step of human evolution.

The gaping hole in evolutionary theory, as I see it, is stupidity. Surely this flaw should have been eradicated from our gene pool long ago but no, stupidity is still running rife and this is evident everywhere.

We all like to think of stupidity as being a problem of the more disadvantaged amongst us - those people whose "work" uniform is an adidas tracksuit and bum bag with "LOVE" and "HATE" tattooed across their knuckles but Paris Hilton proves this is not the case. She proves wealth and privilege, do not buy brains, common sense or even class for that matter.

But Paris is not the problem here. The fact I know who this dim witted princess is, is the problem. It proves people, as a whole, are just as stupid as her and each other. She has no discernable talents or redeeming qualities yet she seems to grace our media on almost a daily basis - people seem to love reading about her.

I can't blame Paris for this. It's not her fault and it's not isolated to just her - there's loads of TV shows and stupidity out there and we, as stupid consumers, eat this up. I believe the same people that are responsible for giving Today Tonight a viewing market are the same people that will put their umbrella up before checking behind them and you get hit in the eye. Those who settle in and watch Minute to Win It are the same folk that take 25 minutes to withdraw $20 from the ATM.

So I, in my capacity as the next step in human evolution, ask you, my valued and stupid readers - do we really want stupidity to exist in the future? Can you really put up with another 400 years of funniest home video show? Do you want to end up with Paris Hilton as president of the universe?

If your answer is no then join me in assisting evolution by eradicating stupidity from the face of the Earth. Every time you find someone who can't read a sign, who analyses the contents of their freshly picked nose while it still rests on their finger or get stuck behind those people who seem to think it's perfectly acceptable to walk very slowly in groups of 3-4 people taking up the entire pavement then a gentle nudge into an oncoming truck or a swift and precise kick to the gonads or ovaries rendering the recipient sterile is your god given duty!!


  1. I think it's harsh to say that Paris has no discernable talents is a tad harsh; have you not seen her starring role in "One Night in Paris"? Clearly there is a particular skill set there!

    P.S Being Bald is not cool, you can't set up a blog to try to convince us otherwise. If it was cool you wouldn't have had that silly ladies military cap on at Northies on Saturday Night!

    Maxi From the Shire

  2. Maxi from the Shire, your input is appreciated and valued. I understand your sentiments towards Paris however I failed to see any particular skill set displayed in that movie whatsoever, except for the ability to turn on a camera. Very pedestrian performance indeed.