So I went and purchased a street map, binoculars grabbed my camera and some post it notes and embarked on my quest to do some real life facebooking.
Heading down the street there was a couple in front of me blissfully walking hand in hand. I took a photo of each of them then wrote onto two of my post it notes "in a relationship" and secretly pasted the post it notes onto their bags.
Ahhhhh, what a relief, my first bit of facebooking in almost a week. The sweet rush of my first real life facebook did not last long however and I soon found myself needing another hit when bingo! I was sitting at a cafe eating my breakfast when the fellow on the table next to me made a pretty funny comment about the current state of the NSW government. Quick as a flash I had my post it note out where I wrote "Like" in big bold letters followed by a crude depiction of a thumbs up, popped it down on their table and promptly exited the building. Another win!
I could feel the previously suppressed dark grip of addiction working its way back inside me once again and I needed more more more! This newsfeeding business was no longer enough. I needed some photos and stalking so I made my way to a girls place of whom I had become recently acquainted and sat out the front with my street map, binoculars and camera.
Leering through my binoculars I was able to determine she was indeed home and checked her into this location with my street map. Half an hour later she exited and, to my great delight, hit the beach. After checking her into this location on my street map I set about facestalking the rest of the bronzed bodies on the stretch of sand and taking photos. As I did not know their real names I had to settle for mentally tagging them in their photos.
I was just tagging and filing away "Bottle blonde with fakies" next to “fat guy with lots of money” when I noticed a solitary figure sitting by herself crying. It was the young lass from earlier in the day that had previously been so blissfully happy as she strode hand in hand with her young boyfriend. It was obvious the relationship was no more so, in true facebook fashion, I set about trying to take full advantage of the situation.
Armed only with my post it notes and a texta I ventured over to the young lass and place and placed an "it's complicated" post it on her towel.
"Are you alright?" I offered.
"Yes" came the meek reply between howling sobs.
It was clear this situation was more than just complicated and felt I had to update this so I placed a "moved from It's complicated to single" post it and sat myself down ready to make my move.
It was at this point I found myself surrounded by a sea of blue uniforms. Apparently the girl I had been face/real life stalking didn't appreciate my efforts. The police were rather concerned about the photos they had found on my camera and the fact I had tracked and marked this girl's movements in a street map that I had no good reason for carrying.
"John just checked into Waverly Police Station"
No comments:
Post a Comment