Easter long weekend was always going to be hard on the troops. It's a break from routine, the Fat infidels hired stealth mercenary assassins from the Easter Bunny guild to attack us with loads of chocolate bombs, gyms are closed and worst of all Colonel Ketosis was not available for the regular super Saturday insurgence however it was again some wise words from him that aided the good guys in avoiding a possible turning of the tide. He advised me that I seem to have things mixed up. Easter, he said, is not actually a celebration of JT's departure from N'Sync to live again as a global mega-star but rather an adaptation of the Christian church from various pagan rituals involving the solstice or re-birth of the sun. The Christians found it easier to convert pagans if they combined certain aspects of pagan beliefs into their own doctrine which was based on a collection of short stories written thousands of years ago about some Mexican fellow named Jesus Christ - So it's JC, no JT and this is where I got confused.
Fascinated by Scott's rebuke and possessing a healthy thirst for knowledge I sought out these books and I must say I was flabbergasted. JC is possibly the greatest literary hero of all time. He's certainly the first action hero. He's kind of like a mixture Harry Potter and The Rock wearing the beard of Chuck Norris. As I read these books I started to realise some stark similarities between JC and myself. For starters we both appreciate the company of prostitutes, we both like to mix red cordial with water at parties and pretend we are wine connoisseurs and at some point or another, we have both been called the saviour of all mankind.
Inspired by these stories I thought I would set myself some challenges over the Easter break based on this great character (please remember these challenges are obviously just representations of the challenges JC faced and only loosely based). Firstly on Friday I did a 15km walk fully laden with a stacked backpack to represent his carrying the cross up the hill. After that I did 30 mins static hold on the chin bar, basically holding myself at the halfway point of a chin up. I couldn't hold myself like that for the full 30mins in one go but I timed it every time I was faltering so it was 30 mins in total. This was representative of his hanging on the cross. I did some squats for the hot cross buns although I couldn't see any mention of them in the book. I did some tyre pushes representing moving the rock opening to his tomb. I did 4 rounds of 3 minutes of continuous burpees with 30 sec break in between (doesn't sound like much but I found it bloody hard, I did the first set with a medicine ball then shafted that for the rest) being his ascension into heaven from the Earth. I sparred ex-socceroo great Mark Bosnich. I'm not sure how this relates back to Easter but I felt it worth a mention. I also did a Pilates session representing the founder of this type of exercise Pontious Pilate who apparently needed some core strengthening as his spine was very weak.
So I trained pretty hard for 2 days however I had planned on doing an overnight hike Sunday and Monday but as it was threatening to rain I put it off and didn't end up doing anything more. I ate heaps but only good stuff - stayed away from chocolate and the only two allowances I made were a banana flavoured Goulbern Valley skim milk and a BSC cookies and cream protein bar. They aren't all that bad but a little high in sugar. The protein bar was absolutely the best tasting protein bar I've ever had and the sugar content is far less than most comparable bars!
So given I had 2 days off and had consumed a fair amount of food I was a little nervous when it came time to weigh in on Tuesday. I gingerly stepped on the scales and wondered if standing on my tippy toes might somehow lessen the weight on the sensors. I was fretting. Like the biggest loser the numbers went up and then down then up and then down then finally settled at.........drum roll please........now the trumpet.........93.5kg - a weight loss of 1.1kg for the week. I guess it goes to show how important recovery is in your training regime.
All in all another successful week for the Fatwa on Fat. Good weight/fat loss, I found a kindred spirit in JC, I learnt the true meaning of Easter and I did it all without the guidance of Colonel Ketosis.
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