Wednesday, March 28, 2012

The first week

The first assault of operation blitzkrieg has prevailed, even in the face of some morale depleting comments on my body from Fat sympathiser Jason Barnes. In the first week allied forces have managed to wipe out 2.8kg of Fat strongholds across the host nation. There is no doubt that some of these numbers include some water weight however it is a great start to the offensive and has general O'Somwans Bin Eating shaking in his lipid boots.

From here on in all troops need to be on guard as we no longer have the element of surprise up our sleeve. The first week it's something new and different to keep you occupied - you see the results and get excited and from there it is easy to slip into some complacency and succumb to the little voice that says "Go on, have just one beer, you deserve it" as your walking past the pub or "Go on, grab that chocolate as a reward" as you pass Haighs chocolates with their delightful golden wrapped chocolate bunnies swimming in a sea of coconut rough......I digress. 

My diet this week has looked basically like this:

Meal 1: Weet-bix or oats with skim milk and either a banana or some almonds

Meal 2 (Post morning workout): Protein shake with skim

Meal 3: Brown rice with tuna and avocado plus sometimes a little sweet chilli sauce (bloody beautiful this is)

Meal 4: 2 boiled eggs

Meal 5: (Post arvo workout): Protein shake with water

Meal 6: Grilled chick breast with vegies

Training wise I've generally been doing weights in the morning and boxercise or swimming in the afternoon for an hour or two plus trying to get about 20 mins stretching in each evening. I want to increase effort and intensity of the training I do each week culminating in a huge 8th week and then offloading for the week after that.

My super Saturday session was enormous. Such a great way to start the weekend but I honestly didn't have any confidence in myself that I was going to get up to do it all until it was done. I was up at 4.45am Saturday morning to eat breakfast - I am generally jumping into a taxi to discuss racial relations with our friendly multi lingual cabbies on the haul into the city at this hour. The world looks strange when your sober. 

I started with a 6.5km run (I actually passed one happy camper taking some lucky lady by the hand as he led her back to his domicile for what no doubt consisted of 15-20 mins of beer burping, grunting, excessive sweating, snoring and ultimately a large amount of shame and awkwardness the next morning - I was extremely jealous) down to for 50mins boxercise and 50mins of spin. I was effin spent by the end but feeling a million dollars and it was only 8:00am.

Tribe is a great gym and again Scotty Capelin has provided me with some sage advice. Being that I have generally only trained for sport before, I set out to eat that same way with things like brown rice, oats and even fruit taking up a large amount of of my daily intake. These are great foods and healthy but reducing carbs will expedite fat loss as the body will have to dig into it's fat stores for energy instead of the readily available energy from the carbs. So going forward I'll be looking at tweaking my diet a little and even including a protein only day once a week and see how this goes.

Before I go, I should note that, with my body back to it's former glory combining with my rugged yet radiant good looks and my Seinfeld like wit I will no doubt be overwhelmed at the end of operation blitzkrieg with females trying to jump on board the Bailey train. Being that I will be severely lacking a social life throughout the next 7.5 weeks will mean that I will only be too willing to allow you ladies to have a crack however I must insist on a heavy screening process for all you Bargeworth hungry females out there. I can't just be seen with anyone. Please send me a 5 minute tape of yourselves telling me why I should select you. The tape should include your waist, hip and bust measurements and at some stage some footage of you performing the splits. I will be selecting the lucky ladies based my normal decision making process I use in most facets of my life - I will weigh up the pros and cons of each applicant, I will consider what obstacles they have overcome to get where they are, their professions, their motivations and then I will be choosing the seven girls with the biggest tits.

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